AoH Learning Lab: A psychobiological definition of confidence
Confidence is positively correlated with coherence: high confidence equals high coherence, low confidence equals low coherence.
Coherence is the ability to hold complexity: of one’s self, others and the world. It uses a lens of compassion, understanding and empathy in all of life’s experiences. It allows for a widened aperture via increased nervous system capacity. Within this widened aperture (of seeing, hearing, and feeling), one is able to discern, discriminate and differentiate.
It allows us to be forgiving of our mistakes and, therefore, others. Holding a lens of complexity allows us to stand up for, protect, and speak to the hurt parts of us.
From a spiritual perspective, it is the ability to use the witness observer. The mantra is, “I can differentiate my soul from my behavior. I understand (somatically not intellectually) that I am not my emotions nor my changing states.”
The opposite of confidence is shame. A nervous system that interfaces from a shame space polarizes and becomes stuck. It polarizes into emotions and their accompanying states: anger, rage, blame, projection, depression, disassociation, victim consciousness, getting hurt by others, etc.
Within shame, there is little to no differentiation; a person full of unprocessed shame cannot separate behavior from the soul. So, any negative feedback from the world is interpreted as, “I am inherently a bad person.” Shame is one of the lowest vibrating states as it acts from a place of need…a need to be saved and accepted. Shame blames the world for its state and expects the world to fix it through co-dependent relationships, entitlement, manipulation, taking from others and/or operating from a victim stance.
Confidence says, “The world is working in my favor and has my back. I am a human who makes mistakes and I will be forgiven and still loved.”
Shame says, “The world is working against me. It has hurt me and now it owes me. I am too broken to be able to ever receive forgiveness and love.”
Working through shame is one of the most difficult places on the personal development path. But, it is often the most rewarding as a person’s lens literally changes and grows. The same energy - that was used to hide, fragment and lie about the parts he/she was too embarrassed or terrified to show to the world - is the same energy that is transmuted into a confident nervous system. In other words, from fear to love.