Core Work: Abandonment of the Self

In what ways do you abandon yourself? When overwhelming stress arises, do you take the cheap route and violate your own being by:

  • Using substance?

  • Projecting (blaming the Other, institutions, government, etc.)?

  • Stonewalling (stopping and/or blocking communication)?

  • Telling bolstered stories and/or lying?

  • Running away (literal leaving as a means to escape conflict, incessant traveling, moving homes and locations often)?

  • Cycling (a pattern of: an elevated mania state to a drop in a highly depressed state)?

  • Using social media to passive aggressively get attention instead of asking the Other to hold space for you?

  • Being incongruent (overriding a tumultuous inner state by presenting a happy outer state)?

  • Identifying/bypassing/enmeshing with a group or community?

  • Splitting-off entirely into another persona/personality (and/or creating personas to fit different situations and experiences)?

  • Raging (explosive eruptions occurring suddenly: snapping, irritability, activated energy, yelling, screaming)?

  • Landing in fantasyland (creating a world that removes one from reality in order to cope. Oftentimes in this space, there is a a believing that one has special gifts no one else does)?

  • Eating food as a substitute of true nourishment (especially sugar, carbs, dairy)?

The Consequences:

  • It is worth noting that all the aforementioned behaviors come from protective mechanisms; defensive tactics unconsciously aimed at avoiding contact with the true Self and intimacy (into me I see). Protections are borne from the ego and were likely developed at a very young age to save oneself from harm. Because of this, when these behaviors get activated from a trigger, the individual will appear extremely childish, selfish, egoic and narcissistic, even to the extent of lacking empathy, unable to see how his/her behavior is affecting others.

  • From a neurobiological perspective, when continually engaging these behaviors, one is literally not growing. Of course, we know drug and alcohol use kill brain cells. In particular, THC disrupts pyramidal neurons in the prefrontal cortex and impairs synaptic plasticity. Plasticity is code for growth in neural vernacular.

  • In addition, when we take the same coping route over and over, we are nary creating new neuropathways. From a psychobiological perspective, consciousness growth necessitates that we actively veer from the default mode and choose a different path. 

  • From a spiritual perspective, each time we sit in quiet with ourselves and bear witness to our old, dysfunctional samskaras, and practice forging new functional samskaras, we get closer to our inherent illuminated and abundant state.

  • From a relationship perspective, it is very difficult (sometimes impossible) to have deeply intimate relationships when fully engrossed in these behaviors, as relationships will constantly reflect back the lack of authenticity when it shows up. Continuously presented with their shadowed selves and without healthy tools to cope, these individuals are pushed into a continuous loop of survival status, at the mercy of reptilian responses. Further, those who cycle in mania/depression will tend to play that pattern out in relationships which will usually manifest in a back-and-forth (break up/reunite) dynamic.

The “Now What?” Work: The AoH Protocol

  • Develop a daily spiritual practice (sadhana). This is especially critical if you’ve been using substance as a means to cope with stress. If you’ve been using consistently for more than a year, you’ll likely need outside intervention as intimacy might be highly skewed. Your sadhana will become your safe place. Over time, it allows you to be the witness observer, slow your nervous system down and connect back to your core. It allows you to be intimate with your Self.

  • Somatic Integration: in this case, somatic work would focus on being in relationship with the molecule dopamine. All behaviors listed have a component of addiction to intensity. Dopamine is on the sympathetic chain (gas pedal) of the nervous system. “More, more, more, so I don’t have to feel,” would be the mantra. A titration down from  sympathetic activation will be key here. First one must get in touch with the sensations in the body associated with the sympathetic activation/dopamine. Then develop a somatic integration plan which allows capacity growth, enabling the individual to live in a state closer and closer to equilibrium, our natural state.

  • Neural Pathway work: this will be moment to moment work in the beginning. You will be paying attention to when the mind attempts to go the habituated sympathetic activation route. It’s similar to being faced with a fork in a dirt road: the old one is well-worn and easy to take. The new one must be forged at first through conscious work, but over time, it becomes second nature. That new path you worked on? That is leading you back to your heart, your soul, your intuition…your True Self.

  • 3rd Party Participation: for those on the personal growth path, I believe seeing a 3rd party is an integral part of the protocol. If, however, you have found that patterns are repeating and they are getting in the way of your life, it’s critical to involve an outside party. I highly recommend finding a practitioner who is well-versed in nervous system knowledge and somatic integration. This practitioner understands the importance of establishing safety through slow and titrated processing, gently challenging while holding a stable container for renegotiation.

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Vairagya: Non-Attachment

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Saying Goodbye to the High