Victim Consciousness & Global Codependency
The world doesn’t need to be saved. The world doesn’t need to be changed.
The vastness in me as a human being is immeasurable. The vastness to inspire and love others is infinite.
Along the path, I have spent years, even decades, attempting to puppeteer my world. “If only he/she/they would…” was my subconscious motto. I created imaginary worlds and models for the way other people should be behaving.
This desire for the world and people to change was born from truly being victimized. That was, and still is, my personal work: how to save myself and show-up for myself in the way I needed when I was unable to care for myself.
The stuckness in feeling perpetually victimized led to a codependency on others. I was like that bird in the book, “Are You My Mother?” Rooting around the world looking for the person, community or experience that was going to make me feel better. I was a taker coming from a place of need - an ugly reality pill I had to swallow to get to the next place on the path; to get out of the looping quality of victim consciousness.
These days, I still feel the urge to reach out beyond my being when I feel alone and abandoned. My desire for them to change and show up in the form that would lick my wound away rears its ugly head. Left unfettered, I call this Global Codependency and it can render itself in disease-like form.
Only now, I’m in relationship with it. I know it’s a trauma response to the terror of being abandoned and annihilated. Now I stop myself from reaching out for that proverbial bottle - that knee-jerk reaction is what caused my addiction in the first place. I take that outward-reaching energy and turn it back on myself. Sometimes I need to talk to myself in that, “there there child, you are loved” way.
But, what keeps me truly regulated is staying true to my daily practice. In yoga it’s called Sadhana. When I veer away from my practice, I see this as my victim consciousness getting kicked up. Instead of punishing myself for falling off my spiritual practice wagon, I see it as a sign post. What do I need? What am I missing? What am I craving? These are the questions I ask my gut and heart (not mind!).
Simply taking a few quiet minutes everyday to check in with myself this way always helps me to come back to my own excellence. My body knows that being born as a human is an immense gift. As a human, I have the potential to make mass amounts of change by simply increasing my vibration. Stay inward and the outward will spontaneously follow suit. That’s my mantra and I do believe it is love.