Wound vs. Intuition

This begins a series of content blog posts which can be found under the hashtag #AoHVersusSeries . It is important to note that there are Architecture of Humanity axioms that will weave themselves through all our content and teachings. These axioms will assist our readers and participants in understanding and becoming more efficient in learning the AoH content as we absorb it through a similar lens. In this case, the lens is via equanimity. That is to say the word versus does not denote that one construct, idea, emotion, etc., is better than the other. On the contrary, seen through the lens of equanimity, there is an evenness in how we are processing arising phenomena. To read about equanimity from a psychobiological approach and in more detail, please use this link.

With that said, let’s get to the content at hand: Wound versus Intuition. A client recently asked me, “How do I discern the difference between a wound and intuition? There seems to be so much overlap that I’m unable to tell them apart.” This overlap she spoke of is a physiological phenomenon that has been labeled as “over-coupling” by experts in the field, as it appears so often in the nervous system when clients initially start somatic trauma resolution work.

I find it interesting that the word wound not only has two different meanings but also two different pronunciations. It’s paradoxical that a duplicitous space in the worlds of linguistics and trauma resolution exists. Linguistically, wound can be defined as an injury, and also as the past form of wind, as in, “He is wound tightly.” In trauma resolution work, because of wounding, the body typically becomes tightly wound. As new traumas tend to organize around old traumas, the “winding” frequently manifests somatically as pain, a syndrome, injury and disease.

 Disclaimer: What I am about to explain in comparing wound with intuition is highly generalized and oversimplified. Unfortunately, the healing world has grossly generalized and oversimplified the extraordinary complex and nuanced space of trauma resolution. I will often guide participants in feeling these states in their bodies -like the ones listed below - during a one-day event. In no way, however, would I lead them to believe they are resolving, or worse, releasing their traumas. One cannot resolve or “release” a trauma by attending a weekend event or even using one modality enlisted by a third party practitioner. The human nervous system is the most complex system in the entire known universe, please treat it slowly and with great care.

Wound state – I am referring to an emotional (internal) wound that most often occurs within a relationship, as opposed to a broken, fractured (external) body part that typically occurs because of an accident.  The technical term for the latter is called a “shock trauma.” An event that causes a wound, left unresolved, is a trauma. So while the terms wound and trauma will be used somewhat interchangeably here, I will be leaning more towards the definition of trauma. When a wound is left unresolved, it will leave the residual pain, emotions, and sometimes, the entire experience locked in the body. When I say to clients, “it hurts like brand-new shoes,” this seems to resonate deeply. An individual who has done little to no somatic work, might feel this long afterwards: days, weeks, months, and as we know with complex PTSD, even years or decades.  As trauma can be defined as “too much, too soon, too fast,” it will leave a long-lasting residual feeling of confusion, chaos, disorganization and a feeling of smallness/being young. The unprocessed experiences are often attempting to recreate in order to come to a completion state, so we’ll see these residual feelings being played out in day-to-day life, especially relationally. Furthermore, in a physical sense, posture may also reflect a shame posture: tailbone tucked, shoulders hunched forward and chin towards the chest and general protection manifestations.

Intuition – Our intuitive state (from an AoH) perspective, stems from a deeply primal place within the autonomic nervous system, namely the Subcortical (reptilian) part of the human brain. The subcortical region of our brain/nervous system contains - very simply - the architecture to stay alive. Unlike the Limbic System, it lacks emotions and the ability to bond. Additionally, as differentiated from the cortex (the thinking mind), it does not have logic or reason. The subcortical brain is our detection center, ascertaining safety or threat. Because it is so simple, it is very efficient and clean; there is no residual left behind when the energy of the survival responses are resolved. When I use the word resolved, I am referring to the process of the body allowing the built up kinetic energy to come to surface (to consciousness), be re-absorbed into the body where it ascertains nourishment or waste, then the body naturally begins to integrate as the organism finds safety, then returns to a parasympathetic state.

 Clear examples of this can be found in animals in the wild and children. A prey animal can be chased at wildly fast speeds, get away from the predator, move to safety, shake off the survival responses and, in an instant, be able to transition to feeding or breeding. A child (before ego-identity is formed) may exhibit similar behavior with a temper tantrum: we can literally watch the transition from subcortical, fight or flight – in this case, fight – to somewhat suddenly playing with his or her toys. In both of these cases, the intuitive sense was activated and meted out somatically.

 The need to survive is so inherently interwoven into our being that, if we do not clear the stuck energy from trauma, sadly, our intuition will be overshadowed by these wound states. Our bodies simply desire completeness. When the nervous system detects an unresolved wound, it will make it the modus operandi of the organism to find resolution. And, as we all know, if they are not tended to, this need for resolution can lead us down a highly unhealthy avenue.

Join us this Saturday, May 21, as we explore wound versus state somatically in our next Sisters of the Forest event.

AoH Defintions: Equanimity

Equanimity is a state of mind taught in yoga and Buddhism.  Sometimes called indifference in Buddhism; it is balance, evenness, calmness, emotional stability and composure, even amid challenging experiences. It is our ability to stay in the present moment, and in coherence, even in the face of triggering experiences. In an equanimous state, we are able to feel and experience the full spectrum of emotions, stay with the somatic experience to completion without reacting by moving to conditioned and well-worn paths of clinging to pleasure and attempting to rid oneself of pain.

 It is the practice of responding over reacting. From a psychobiological perspective, this means that: I am no longer and/or am conscious of my tendency to use protective responses to tamp down on my survival instincts (fight or flight). I am allowing these primal responses to rise up to conscious level and to be re-absorbed by my soma (body). As state (biology/physiology) creates story, I am clearing my body of all unprocessed survival-response material so that my mind can create a new story. This allows me to have a new and different experience in my life. This, is a fully integrated ego.

 As the practice of equanimity becomes more honed via somatic work via expanding capacity and resilience, decisions will begin to come from the heart and gut space (intuition) more often than the thinking mind (cortex). There will be a deep trust in that “my body holds the wisdom of the ancestral and animal parts of me that have allowed my organism to evolve and survive for over 500 million years.” Those that have this type of agency are naturally trustworthy as they are trusting of their own Self.

Love Letters: The Gifts of “The Work”

“Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have eyes to see.” - Carl Jung

As much of our writing within the Architecture of Humanity (AoH) blog is technical in nature, Emily and I decided to expand the boundaries a little with the nature of our content.  In moving a bit against type, a new set of blogs will be intermittently going out that will be more personal in nature. We’ve named these blogs, AoH Love Letters. They will be categorized and hashtagged, so that you may follow along.

 This will be the first post we’ve published within this prose. It comes by way of inspiration: people, texts, experiences, dreams, visions, nature, philosophy and sometimes, unabashed love. One of these beautiful intersections occurred this past weekend. Here’s some context and the love letter…

 Contextually, I believe our surroundings, the people we associate with, the experiences we have, and, of course, the way we look at the world, are colored by a lens…a lens that is our nervous system.  If our nervous system is in a fear state, fearful experiences will find us. If our system feels safe and grounded, we will experience a safe and grounded life. Thankfully, humans are the only animal who have some control over his or her destiny. This is what Buddha meant when he said, “All is an illusion.”  

 I work to stay a few steps ahead of my clients - in terms of using the work I teach - using my own body and psyche, so I may report to them what is to be expected. And what has occurred as a byproduct of the latest growth cycle of dis-equilbrium and subsequent equilibrium, might be described as a feeling of effortless magic. You see, when we utilize tools that are led by teachers who are not looking for what is wrong in us, but curious about how our body is only (ever) attempting to stay alive, even in it’s sometimes odd behavioral manifestations, they set a foundation to allow the illusionary state to shift. When those teachers hold space for us and catch the moments where our body is not only wanting to save us, but also wanting us to thrive, we begin to find safety in our bodies and also the world.

 As we release the protective responses that are created by the ego, i.e., the neocortex, we begin to get closer and closer to our True Nature, our soul. At first, this appears to be random gifts in the way of synchronicity, empathy and a moving with the heart (energy) instead of the mind (literal). But, over time, as we integrate and reabsorb the exiled and fragmented parts of us that were sacrificed into unconscious territory to allow survival, we begin to understand that this is who we truly are. Empathy, psychic ability and synchronicity are not rare phenomenological experiences that are gifted to a few lucky ones. We all have the hardware and are deserving of these beautiful experiences. They are human traits, and that is what you are!

 Integration is a critical part of somatic work as we move towards wholeness. It doesn’t “land” immediately or even soon. In fact, this work is slow in nature so that we can feel the shifts taking place while we peel back the protective layers. If we were to rush through the process or expect results right away, we would not be able to sustain the new pathway reference points. In fact, when we force the process, we actually risk re-traumatizing ourselves. We continue to imprint these small reference points along the way as client and therapist join together along the path to wholeness. I call this “reference-pointing.”

 Practicing a “felt sense” of new behaviors is critical, but yet, very new to us westerners. As I teach clients what this is via the five senses in one-hour sessions, once a week or less, I see living their life through the lens of this new perspective as the greatest way to practice. I fundamentally, and without apology, do not agree that any therapist or practitioner is a healer. YOU are your healer. That said, the sterile four-walls of a therapist’s office are not the only foundational means to heal as we’ve been taught. The beauty of a human lies in our multi-dimensional and multifaceted nature of interfacing with this world and the cosmos. As we are both shadow and light, we all know, it can also create a beautiful mess as well if we’ve not done the work to become conscious.

 This, I believe, is where art comes in to play with somatic and integration work. Art is the vehicle that gives texture, meaning, depth and understanding to the complexity of being a human. Without art we would be utterly lost. Indeed, the Avant Garde movements within history have been the means with which we have been excavated from the throes of dark periods, and that we are now in the midst of. Perhaps extreme, radical and experimental in nature, Avant Garde movements pulled us from dark ages where innovation, creativity and unorthodox thinking were censored by the powers that were.

 As I come into closer relationship with my shadows and darkness, I have given myself permission to accept synchronicity, empathy and psychic abilities as human birthrights. This is the magic I referred to earlier in this post. They happen often now and I accept their gifts not because I believe I am special, but because I am human. Synchronicity is one of these phenomenons that occurred recently. In Carl Jung’s definition, synchronicity, “…describes circumstances that appear meaningfully related yet lack a causal connection.” The piece that is especially defining for me is that there is some unknown connection. This is a faith, trust and grace in a greater intelligence. This type of trust can only come from an open heart.

 So, here’s my synchronicity story: My partner and I recently connected deeper with another couple. They ended up being my neighbor…just an ATV drive through the live oak trees and over the creek that runs below my property. They are lovers of living life passionately. They are givers, and are doing so softly and quietly. Patrons of all of the arts, they have begun to follow along with the conjunction of where my work (somatics and integration) and my partner’s work (music, art) meet. This past Friday, we saw them for dinner and at the end of the night, they gifted me with a book they brought back from Hawaii. They wished to dedicate the book to the group of ladies we’ve brought together in the name of Somatic Art. They met a lady there, named Mayumi Oda. Intrigued by her and her story of living in Japan post nuclear war, they bought a book she wrote.  It is called Sarsvati’s Gift and it is her autobiography: an artist, activist, and modern Buddhist revolutionary.

 Sarasvati is the hindu deity and patron goddess of music, poetry art, speech, science and learning and wisdom. Her name translates in literal terms to “the one who flows.” She is one of three goddesses (with Durga and Laksmi) that make up the trinity of female consorts. In her book, Mayumi mentions that, over the course of her life, she called upon Sarasvati for protection, guidance and wisdom. Knowing very little of what I’ve been studying in this attempt to stay ahead of my clients, I found it fascinating that this should fall into my lap by this beautiful couple. Over the last 8 months, I’ve begun to delve more deeply into Sri Sutka – a cluster of sixteen Vedic mantras dedicated to the Divine Feminine (Shakti). The Mahavidyas are ten aspects of the Divine Feminine that manifest as distinct wisdom goddesses. Each has different character attributes that guide us to liberation. Sarasvati’s Mahavidya forms are Tara and Matangi.

 Sarasvati is mentioned in the Rig Veda, the most ancient of the world’s sacred scriptures, dating around 1500 B.C.E. It is an ancient Indian collection of Sanskrit hymns and is one of the four sacred canonical texts known colloquially as The Vedas. The extent of this complex of writings exceeds that of the Bible more than six times over. Thousands of mantras were organized into clusters. Sri Vidya Sadhana is the path of the divine feminine.

 Moving back to Sri Sutka, it is a practice grounded in a non-dualistic philosophy known as Sri Vidya. The ultimate goal of Sri Sutka is to eliminate our inner poverty and move towards empowerment, so that we can experience the fullness of life. It sees us needing to cleanse and clear the inner world so that all the parts of body’s ecology are moving in harmony. Free of clutter, emptiness and loneliness.

 Khila, also mentioned in the Rig Veda, translates to “the space that gives room to a newly emerging reality.” This is the work we are aspiring towards in Architecture of Humanity. We use best practices rooted in contemporary and ancient texts, practices and tools, always evidence-based. Personally, I hope to continue to speak and write about the gifts that appear as we gather and learn together. I am grateful to those people who continue to show up and offer their bespoke gifts from the heart.

The Psychobiolgical Approach

Last month, on March 12, we kicked off our first Sisters of the Forest gathering. All of our Architecture of Humanity (AoH) gatherings are informed by evidence-based content. We seek to inspire growth by offering community, practices, rituals, ceremonies and tools that are guided by this content. Our theme of content on March 12, was “Consciousness.” The why and the how to achieve and maintain greater consciousness was our starting point, and we will continue to build upon this depth, layer by layer, through events and online content.

It is our belief in AoH that, as we grow, we will naturally find independence and freedom within our own psyche; we will seek wisdom and intelligence from our own being. We do this by increasing our conscious awareness. In order to source our Self for increased conscious awareness, we must know our own organism first. This is where the psychobiological approach harmoniously offers a building block in conscious growth.

Whether you are attending our events or following along with our content online, we will continue to define terms, ideas and concepts so that there is a philosophical understanding and coherence. This is is critical when you are working with any practitioners who are closely interfacing with your nervous system (yoga teachers, energy healers, psychotherapists, massage therapists, etc.). Don’t be afraid to ask practitioners about their credentials, training and philosophy!

Let’s learn about our own organism and fellow humans! We will begin by defining biology and psychology. Very simply, biology is the study of living organisms. Biology has many specialized fields that fall under it’s broad definition. This includes anatomy (bodily structures) and physiology (functions and mechanisms of an organism). Psychology is the scientific study of the human mind and behavior. Immense in depth and breadth, it includes conscious and unconscious phenomena.

Combining these two sciences, the psychobiological approach is a technical term used mostly in contemporary psychology, especially within individual and couples therapy. It is a non-pathologizing approach, meaning that as clinicians, we do not believe there is anything about our clients that needs to be fixed. Some clinicians, like myself, stay away from labels almost entirely. It is a compassionate approach, as well, because if there is nothing to be labeled and fixed, there is only curiosity and exploration to be done.

A little more on those Homo Sapiens. Yes, that’s you!

Humans are a very fragile organism. All of us are born premature, incomplete in our structural and nervous systems. We are, perhaps, one of the most altricial of all organisms. Compare that to other beings - such as horses - who are precocial, meaning they have full or a high degree of independence and mobility from the moment of birth. Had our mothers been permitted by nature to give birth to their babies to full-term, she would have been unable to walk as her hips had grown too wide. As we are, in fact, surviving as a species now, mother nature clearly gave way for sapiens females to give birth too early for our nervous system to function on it’s own right out of the gate. That produced an organism who loves to bond, seeks intimacy and is highly insecure in the world. It’s no wonder leaders have had such a difficult time in exalted positions!

Because of our highly altricial status, we are wholly dependent upon our caregivers not only to thrive, but to simply survive. We feel safest when we are pair-bonded with another and are at our best biologically and psychologically when we are in groups. Had these social structures not been laid into our genetic material thousands of years ago, we would have been wiped off the planet long ago. No other apex predator has maintained top status as humans have, whilst lacking the size, temperament or biological armory (fangs, claws, antlers, roar, etc.) as other top-rung animals. Indeed, our “safety in numbers” biological imprint is our saving grace.

Furthermore, due to the Cognitive Revolution about 20,000 years ago, humans are the only animal who holds hardware in their cortex which allows for an awareness of our awareness. This also permitted us to distinctly, and often neurotically, be aware of our own pending death. As such, much of our biology simultaneously works in favor of, and against, our inherent yearning to feel safe.

Going back to the psychobiological approach: As we learn, grow and support one another in AoH, may we consider how we biologically and psychologically move through this world with the strengths and weaknesses instilled in our nervous systems. May we first consider how we individually interface psychologically and biologically so that we can offer that same understanding and compassion to others.

Wholeness

“The energy in the universe is not in the planets or in the protons or neutrons, but in the relationship between them. Not in the particles but in the space between them. Not in the cells of organisms but in the way the cells feed and give feedback to one another. Not in any precise definition of the three persons of the Trinity as much as in the relationship between the Three! This is where all the power for infinite renewal is at work: The loving relationship between them. The dance itself.” - Richard Rohr

If I am the healer you have been looking for, I am not it. That is to say, if you are looking for a healer outside of yourself, you will, ultimately, be disappointed as healers are only human. Your body, your nervous system, the divine providence that was your birthright knows what you need to find wholeness. It knows it far better than anyone because it’s deeply embedded within your body…down to the cellular level and beyond. Indeed, the only sustainable solace will be found in your True Nature.

The absorption of our entire being, of the Self being swallowed up by an insatiable need to “be healed” has become a hobby in our society. Obsessively purveying labels of who and what we are, studying theories and dogma can (and often do) land us in a stuckness away from wholeness as it can become a continued effort into attempting to find our Soul outside of ourselves.

You do not need to be healed. You are not broken. You do not need anymore labels to define who you are and/or what is wrong with you. The work on “the outside” is the stage of our inner life being played out in our awareness. The physical world is the template from which we learn who we truly are. We can become the witness to it instead of becoming a participant in the drama if we slow down our physiology. Certainly, those who have honed discernment skills will see friction in the material world as a signpost leading us to identify where our wounding and healing is held in the body. As Richard Rohr is quoted above, the relationship is where the the power for infinite renewal is at work. From the cells, to the protons and neutrons to entire galaxies, likewise, human relationships energetically give feedback to one another. They are sacred mirrors, to quote a phrase. When friction and conflict are seen through a sacred lens, we breathe so that we can be in observation to this nourishing exchange. Via felt sense, we find the strength to create a new samskaral pattern; a new reference point.

In Architecture of Humanity (AoH), this non-pathological model is our starting point. Wholeness already exists inside of you: it has simply been buried over time via external narratives. It is paradoxical, then, that we go to the same place to source wholeness that caused the pain in the first place. Within AoH, you will not memorize a set of tools; you will source the wisdom inherently held in your body for the answers. No one is going to heal you; your body is always in a healing state. This process oftentimes becomes thwarted when conditioned narratives are thrust upon us by family, society, community, media, etc.

Our work in AoH enables us to breathe into our bodies to find the space to be witness to our blind spots so that we can once again source our Self for power, agency and governance. Infinite renewal lives in the galaxy within our nervous systems. All you need to do is introduce you to Your Self.

Self-Governance

“Recognize that ‘unlearning’ is the highest form of learning.” - Rumi

Within you lives the most complicated system in the entire known universe: the human nervous system. A circuitry motherboard of fibers and nerves ever transmitting nerve impulses to various parts of the body. It is an entire galaxy unto itself. It holds embedded wisdom that is over 500 million years old. Indeed, us humans hold an inner pharmacy of receptors that - if directed from within - can naturally regulate this highly complicated system. Although bold in statement, we do not need anything or anyone to access this inner pharmacy.

Likewise, it is a brave tenet to hold in times where Global Codependence is the accepted norm: that your spirituality is found outside of you, a tethering to something external. To say, “I need NOTHING external to come to a peaceful state” is a seemingly antithetical statement where pathology and addiction are accepted norms.

The ancient seers, yogis, elders of indigenous cultures, and the great philosophers speak to “the guru within.” An idea and practice of sourcing power, freedom and direction from the intuitive centers that, although have been quieted, still exist in us all.

Self-reliance, agency of self, Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo. The writings of Thoreau, Emerson, Nietzsche and Jung spoke of individuation: the process of psychological integration. Finding oneself apart from the collective; aside from the personas that we’ve created and have been put upon us in order to survive in chaos.

What if we could separate ourselves from the chaos by coming to a state of complete self-governance? What if we could un-couple our Self from the fabricated version of self? What if we could lay proverbial tracks of peace within our bodies that become new neural pathways on to which we could rely at any time, any place?

This is the basis for our work in Architecture of Humanity. It is a paradigm firmly suggesting that you do not need be fixed, changed, or even, healed in any way. The only person - the only guru - who holds the tools is you…your highly complex body.

Let us begin there: unmasking, undoing, unlearning, undressing, unlocking, unwrapping, unfolding, unarmoring, untieing. This relationship with You begins this year on March 12 as we hold our inaugural Sisters of the Forest gathering in North County, San Diego. Join us in an exploration of the Self.

Mother Nurture: Emily’s Ode to Suzanne

Suzanne, Summer 2018

This blog post was written by Emily Ziegler, Architecture of Humanity social media manager, photographer, videographer and marketing and communications director.

We discuss mother-daughter relationships often within our Sisters of the Forest women’s groups. In our focus on integrating experience, trauma and truth into our lives, we cannot ignore these sacred relationships that inform some of our most crucial experiences. Mothers are our portals into this world. We are released from the sacred darkness of the womb, through the shadow and into the light, and feel the skin-to-skin contact of our mothers to provide safety. Hearing the heartbeat of the mother, smelling her skin, is the only familiarity that we have when we enter the Earthly realm. We are raised to the breast and fed as babies, and as we grow into young women, our mothers lead us through the shifts and changes that come with things like our first menstrual cycles. We become women in a physical sense, something that, eventually, we will witness our own daughters experience. Something that each woman has experienced for generations before.

Our unique biological experiences have informed our perception, our spiritual and psychical growth for millennia. You can see this carried throughout every culture, in every corner of the globe. Our legends and folklore carry the traditions of women whose fundamental experience is no different than ours. We contain within us millennia upon millennia of generational female experience, holding onto knowledge that is passed down from woman to woman as she births a daughter into the world. Each woman has both given and taken from this world, leaving a part of themselves and taking a part of us as they leave. Why is this? Women have always lived in community with each other. These communities were neither matriarchal nor patriarchal, but interdependent. In tribal societies, female bonding and community were paramount to the success of the tribe. If a woman was pregnant, her birth experience was not solitary, but surrounded by the women of her tribe, whose support was key to a healthy mother and baby. When one mother grew too tired, another would act as a nanny for her child. It was this interdependence between women that created a healthy community and stronger bonds of sisterhood between each generation. Until it was their own turn to have children, mothers and daughters, grandmothers and granddaughters, aunts and nieces, were in each others’ company with a healthy consistency, learning and growing among each other, passing down knowledge and experience, trauma and darkness, myth and folklore from one generation to the next. They bore witness to each other, provided sacred space for growth and nourishment both physical and spiritual, and carried each other through the proverbial forest.

How does this tie into our lives today? As we have moved away from the pastoral lifestyles and into an industrial age, the connection between mother and daughter has grown thinner, more veiled. Critically, we find ourselves more isolated than ever. We don’t have the means to foster this sense of community that our ancestors thrived in. So, how do we navigate a world that no longer equips us to form these bonds? I find myself in a unique situation when it comes to sourcing these bonds, to doing this work.

I grew up incredibly close with my sisters and mother. While not without its faults, I’d classify my childhood as idyllic. I was raised in the rolling English countryside, and moved to America when I was eleven. My mother was a Cambridge-educated forensic specialist who gave up her work in the police force to nurture a family. Her intelligence was immeasurable, and her ability to always help my sisters and I move through hard transitions with ease was effortless. I know now, as an adult looking back on this time, that the effort wasn’t without her own darkness and experience.

 When I was seven, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was exceptionally young for a breast cancer diagnosis, and of course this was hard for me to understand, but one thing I did recognize was that, when a community forms out of necessity, healing becomes more likely. Grandparents, family members, neighbors and friends, mostly women, were a constant source of support during that time. Her subsequent remission in 2008 brought an even greater sense of community to mine and my sisters’ lives as young girls. A friend informed my mom of a cancer survivors dragon boating network centered at one of the local lakes. Dragon boating, as a sport, encourages lymphatic drainage, which furthermore prevents lymphedema post-cancer, while also fostering a sense of community, as each woman contributes to the rhythm and movement of the boat with her paddle. There was a focus on breast cancer survivors, and the group allowed for my mother to gain back her sense of self and strength in the years that followed her diagnosis. Like the Handless Maiden, this group of women radically encompassed a sense of healing and community in our lives, and getting involved with them from a young age was a huge awakening for me: women didn’t need to traverse the darkness and trauma of something like breast cancer alone.

When we moved to California, I was eleven, and my sisters (twins) were thirteen. My admiration and respect for my mother dealing not only with a transatlantic relocation, but three pubescent daughters, is extremely high. I struggled immensely. I had to adjust to an entirely new school system, a new country and on top of that, had to find a way to make new friends and connections. My mother was my most stalwart supporter during this time, and through utilizing her own past struggles as reference, was able to move me through the transition as best she could.

As time passed and my sisters and I grew into late teenagers, all of the external forces in our technology-driven world (the media, television and film) pointed toward independence. After reaching a certain age, it’s expected of sixteen, seventeen and eighteen year-old girls to release themselves from the proverbial chokehold of their parents and seek out the world for their own. I felt confident in my ability to do this, until my mother was again diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016, when I was finishing up high school. This time, I was better equipped to understand what was happening and far more willing to contribute to that support system that was around in 2007, but was seemingly missing from her life at this point. We became a far more interdependent family, making adjustments and accommodations to suit the needs that she had. For the first time, I began to witness my mother as someone simultaneously new and ancient: a daughter. As daughters, my sisters and I realized that maybe the time we had perceived that was for independence was an ideal time to strengthen the feminine familial bonds we had. This was a woman with her own life and experiences that she had brought with her into motherhood, a woman who chose to be independent from a young age and pursue a reality that she wanted to make for herself. As I was preparing to do that for myself, I witnessed my mother traversing the shadow once more. This time around, the cancer was more aggressive and rare, and in turn, required a number of lifestyle changes we all wished to adopt. While we all adopted the external lifestyle changes, my mom internalized hers, asking the questions: What do I really want from life? What legacy will I leave for my daughters? What have I learned in this life that is truly valuable? She was not afraid to share that with us, either. This allowed our bonds as women to grow deeper and stronger. Material existence wasn’t a concern anymore, but was put aside while we navigated these deeper elements of consciousness. This experience, like in 2007, allowed for us to water the roots of our relationships, rather than the superficialities. In 2017, she was cleared again, and we got ready for another transition: I was moving back to the UK, to London, for college.

The trip to London is the most memorable experience of my mother for me. The two of us had never been on an extended vacation together, and I got to spend some quality time with the woman who had raised me. We spoke at length about the move to college. We bought plants together from a small market in New Cross to furnish my tiny apartment above a very busy, loud London street. She gave me advice I didn’t realize I needed. I began to recognize my own independence, while simultaneously tethering myself to my mother even more than before. I depended upon her for advice and comfort, calling her nearly every day to tell her about what I had been doing. She was a phenomenal, avid baker, and I took up baking as a means by which to feel like that part of home was with me across the ocean. While I was away at school, she found herself becoming more and more interested in doing deeper spiritual work. She would tell me about her interest in Sufism, her passion for taking things slow, and she started her yoga teacher training and qualified in May of 2018. After years of complaining about tattoos, she got her first, a Buddhist Unalome, representing the pattern of life’s journey. She explained the significance of it to me, of how the path is not straight, but takes on many different curves and bends, ending in enlightenment.

I came home for summer in 2018 and took a small job grooming dogs, and almost as soon as I got home, she started experiencing breathing problems. After scans and tests, it was revealed that there were nodules on both her lungs and liver. The cancer was back, Stage IV, and was spreading rapidly. She died in August of 2018. This was world-crushing, however I felt comfort in knowing that she had offered me as much as she could in her life. She had learned and grown on her own, given birth to three daughters, and given them the tools to approach life mindfully. A few weeks after her passing, I found the following written in her journal:

‘My body clearly has a different journey mapped out than my inner self. Trying again to align the two but perhaps that’s just ultimately the way it’s meant to be and my ‘life’ lessons will continue in the next lives? That is not to say I am about to give up…That is to say that I may get my mind and spirit to win out over my physical body. Because really that’s all it is. A physical body. We live on in all living things and the air, the ocean, the sand, everything – so I truly believe that wherever I am I will still be right here with everyone else.’

Her peace in the face of death was a comfort to me, and remains a comfort to me until this day. As I continued my education, I became more and more fascinated with myth and folklore, specifically, that which surrounds universal female experience. This resonated with me so much that I became insistent upon qualifying as a labor doula, so that I could assist in the continuation of that experience. Women are, after all, life bringers and death bringers. As women, we always hold mortality in our hands. I recognized this in my mother’s words twofold: she held death in her hands and made peace with it, but she recognized that in spite of her death, her existence would continue just as all women’s existences do, through the next generation.

This is why I do the work I do with Architecture of Humanity. I was blessed to have a mother whose community helped her realize her position as a woman in this world. I am blessed to have had my eyes opened to the raw deal women have been dealt by the modern world, and to have found an alternate path; a path that fosters growth and community, rather than isolation and bitterness. We are not meek, helpless creatures, but incredibly powerful souls. I have traversed the shadow and come through it with the ability to view myself as a continuation of millennia of women whose experience was universal. As we move toward an ever-independent society, we begin to feel detached, especially as women with potent ancestral memory. My mother’s life existed before mine, and mine exists after hers, just as my daughters’ lives will exist after mine. While we may lack the close-knit communities of our forebears, our souls yearn to re-establish them. This fact is key to understanding the role we play as women in this pivotal moment for humanity. In focusing on reintegrating the generations of trauma that we may hold onto, in focusing upon equipping ourselves with the tools we need to connect with other women from outside our circles, we can break the cycle of patterning that would otherwise leave us completely helpless. Even if our relationships with our own mothers or daughters are strained, by providing sacred space for each other, we can not only heal the wounds of our past, but cultivate true beauty and love within our relationships. The work that we’re doing at Architecture of Humanity is allowing generations of grandmothers, mothers, and daughters to provide the framework for codependence reminiscent of our own ancestors’ experience. I am overjoyed to contribute my own experience to that.

Sourcing the Self for Truth

“There is no linear evolution; there is only a circumambulation of the Self…this insight gave me stability, and gradually, my inner peace.” - Carl Gustav Jung

Consciousness and “going-deep”: words/phrases we often hear echoing in many conversations and podcasts. What do they mean in theory? And, how do they look and feel in practice? These are the two areas we will explore in all Architecture of Humanity-hosted events and in fine detail within Sisters of the Forest gatherings.

Below, you’ll find the framework we’ll be using in Architecture of Humanity (AoH) to explore these two questions. There are many paths, to quote a phrase. One path is not right over another. You’ll know you’re in right-direction-alignment when you feel the resonance within your heart space, as opposed to the mind space. As Buddha said, “If you are facing the right direction, all you need to do is keep walking.”

For efficiency purposes, we will use the words/phrases, "truth, right direction and heart-centered actions” synonymously. These are grand topics whose content is deserving of more time and space. Please follow along with our blog posts as we will expand on these subjects in greater detail.

In the search for Truth within the AoH community, we loosely follow the ancient tenets of the yogic and Buddhist path, as well as the Individuation path as laid out by Carl Jung within Depth Psychology (late 19th and early 20th centuries). In addition to those somewhat seminal approaches, we adhere to a psychobiological approach, which is a contemporary construct and practice followed by the likes of Stephen Porges, Peter Levine and Stan Tatkin, to name a few. The common thread within all these approaches lies in the belief that peace and contentment are to be sourced from within; they are, in fact, our birthrights.

We are currently living in a collectively unconscious period of time…a moment in human evolution whereby the American society, in particular, is living in an incredibly globally-intense existence. In fact, the addiction we rarely hear of, is that to the bodily chemicals created from living a highly-charged life. This has left us depleted physically and psychologically, and in turn, highly vulnerable to manipulation, as we are so removed from our True Nature. Because of this, we are now combing through generations of conditioning that have lead us to believe that peace and contentment are sourced from external means. I have called this phenomenon, Global Codependence. We’ll go into further detail on this topic in a subsequent blog post.

A cognitive understanding of these theories and definitions will allow us an identification. Many, however, become stuck in this space of labeling who and what they are. True transcendence takes place when there is a “landing” in the body via embodiment practices. Transcending even beyond the writings and principles that might be memorized. Putting these principles into practice are the “yoga of action.” Below, you’ll find the four-part structure that allows a greater transparency of our AoH ethos and what our work/your work will look like at our events…how we will source the Self for Truth.

1. Spiritual Path

   The root word for spirit is the Latin word “spiritus,” which translates to breath. Pausing to breathe into the heart-space is where our work will begin. This is the center-point from which our spiritual path is born. You may have already begun to pave yours or you may be looking for your own bespoke path. At AoH, we believe this is a highly individual endeavor that is lead with compassion, curiosity, surrender and patience. All of our paths are different. They are based on our individual heritage, culture, family of origin, DNA, epigenetics, Samskaral patterning, archetypes, wounds and traumas. It is a tapestry woven from the the many parts and slices that make you unique. Your spiritual path is your northern star, your longitudinal median, an energetic BFF…your constant companion onto which you can always rely. It is your soft place to fall.

2. Teacher/Mentor

   Guru literally translates to “dispeller of the darkness. As we ascend and transcend, we will be asked to walk into the darkness of the forest. It is a necessary initiation into emotional maturation. Upon acceptance of this initiatory process, we inherently seek a teacher, an objective third party, an individual who has walked this path. She not only speaks the spiritual words but also lives these words through her actions, i.e., the way she lives her everyday life. Integrity energetically pulses through this person. In other words, what she says and does are two sides of the same spiritual coin. This person directs and teaches you how to source truth from your Self, that is to say, from your intuition. Because our society is so disproportionate in left-brain behavior, it is critical that our contemporary spiritual teachers practice and teach bottom-up practicing. This practice utilizes the soma (the body) to access wisdom and knowledge, oftentimes from the unconscious realms.

3. Sacred Community

   Kula is a Sanskrit word for “assembly” or “family.” It western terminology, it denotes the sense of belonging that is cultivated in yogic communities. This sense of belonging to a spiritual tribe and the rituals and ceremonies that are practiced are oftentimes paramount to a feeling of safety. Entering into a spiritual community is an action into recovery; recovery of the soul.

   Tapasya is a yogic term meaning the practice of austerity, which involves a conditioning of the body for removal of impurities and for overcoming the deficiencies and weaknesses of the body, mind and senses. To further cultivate safety, sobriety and cleanliness is practiced on all levels: clean communication, emotional sobriety, purified soma, etc., as presence is of utmost importance as we do our work together.

4. Daily Practice (Sadhana)

   A Sadhana is a spiritual discipline or practice. It is the daily “temperature-check” of our nervous system. You may practice yoga asana, stretching, pranayama (breath-work) and/or read from a spiritual text. It may be five minutes or an hour. As previously mentioned, the practices we teach and practice within AoH events will be inspired by ancient and contemporary sources. Every event will include multiple practices, ceremonies and rituals to prime the access points in the body to access truth.

   Our next Sisters of the Forest event is Saturday, March 12. Please click here for info and to purchase tickets.

Sisters of the Forest

Sapiens are storytellers and story-hearers. It is a trait that decidedly differentiates us from other organisms. Indeed, we are the sole animal on the planet with this sacred ability. We are in love with fables, parables, allegories and fairytales. The (oftentimes) gross over-characterizations of human traits, personas and roles that are depicted in these stories allow us to feel connected to the inner Self, and maybe, the parts of us that we have fragmented, hidden and suppressed over the terror of showing our true self to the world.

The isolation and aloneness that is collectively smothering the spirit and causing neurosis, even psychosis, may well be alleviated if our society gently returned to the majestic ritual of connecting back to – as Campbell deemed it – the literature of the spirit. He goes on to say in The Power of Myth, that contemporary society seems to… “be solely interested in the news of the day and the problems of the hour.” Nary would an old world scholar allow the news of the day to impinge on the hermitically-sealed off conversations about the inner life and the magnificent human heritage we have in our tradition…a communication speaking to the centering of the Self. What happened to these literary cowboys? Why did these conversations go extinct? When and how did 24/7 scripted news replace this critical-to-our-aliveness tradition, ritual and ceremony?

On the metaphysical and mystical realm, we might be able to infer that we are all seeking to bring our bespoke dramatis personae to life on the illusionary stage we call “life.” When we use the phrase, “we all want to be seen, felt and heard,” what we are likely referring to are those fragmented parts of the self that are living in the unconscious. They seek to be brought to the light, to come out of dormancy from the darkness and to be lead to the land of the awakened. What better way to do this than through story-telling? And, what better medium to be inspired than through myth?

Sisters of the Forest is the new name the team at Architecture of Humanity has given the women’s groups we have been hosting for the last two years. The name is derived from an 1812 German tale, The Handless Maiden, collected by the Grimm Brothers. In true backwards design (my favorite way to work), we focus on the desired outcome first, then scaffold from there. I am a trauma therapist by trade, but if we’re doing it in right-direction, trauma work is inexorable from spirituality. On the Spiritual Path, we are ultimately seeking wholeness via growth of consciousness. The gift of the work on this path is access to the Soul, that is to say, the life we were meant to live. Our desired outcome in our gatherings is to find these access points and portals to the soul.

As our state creates our story, so too, does our life parallel art. The individual frames within the film of my life that served to create the curriculum we use in our gatherings is called Relationshipping. The darkest period of my life and it’s subsequent awakening, inspired this psychological software that allows us to find a common vernacular, and understand via cognition, the roadmap we will take to the homecoming of our soul. Somewhat forced into a vision quest 9 years ago - the curriculum that is Relationshipping and the gatherings that are Sisters of the Forest - appear to be the soul foodstuff that was meant to be brought back to the tribe, back to ordinary life and in service to something far greater than me. It has taken me nearly a decade to find the organization and courage to share with those who are willing to venture into the forest.

Feeling cellularly alone during that time in the “forest” 9 years ago, I resonate with Jungian scholar Marie-Louise von Franz’s view of the protagonist in The Handless Maiden: “She is driven into nature. She has to go into deep introversion. The forest is the place of of unconventional inner life, in the deepest sense of the word. “ Alas, we must do this work alone, in introversion. What I seek to provide, however, within our Sisters of the Forest tribe, is a common communal truth-seeking, so that we do not need to feel alone in our aloneness. The curriculum will provide additional support; it is both evidence-based (on my 10 + years of formal education) and empirically-based (on my 8 years of private practice therapeutic work).

In the tale, the Handless Maiden finds that her work is not in complete solitude, for she is taken in by the “folk of the woods,” i.e., The Sisters of the Forest. She stays the Shamanic requisite 7 years with the Sisters of the Forest. And, in that time, her hands grow back. In retrospect, if I’d had this type of support 9 years ago, I would have been saved from incredible amounts of pain and suffering. My proverbial hands would have grown back far sooner. To be in tribe is hard-wired in our bodies. We feel safest and most alive when we are within a group of others who are moving along the same path, speak a similar language and, especially, when we can re-negotiate past ruptures allowing an integration of the Self…encountering emergent selves that have been patiently waiting for us. You no longer need to go into the forest alone.

Our first Sisters of the Forest gathering is Saturday, March 12 in North County San Diego. Click here to learn more and purchase tickets.

New Year, New Paths

Happy New Year beautiful humans. For many of us, 2021 felt like an incubation period. An elongated moment beckoning that our inner presence come to consciousness through introspection. What if the last two years was an opportunity to pull apart the entangled parts of us? And, the product of this space created was an opportunity for celestial dreaming?

Indeed, the tools we have been given that tether us to Global Codependence are akin to an attempt to lull an infant to sleep by screaming a lullaby. We are residing in an age of inflammation. This state is not due to us being born sick and needing to be saved. But, rather due to conditioning; a bought-and-sold transaction leading us to believe that Global Codependence is normal; that peace is found in external sources. The parts of us that get pushed do not just go away. They ferment and heat up within our bodies causing said inflammation and then, eventual disease.

We are multifaceted beings attempting to find wholeness, but doing so with a one-dimensional lens as we erroneously believe we are a single unified whole. In fact, the center-point from which our creativity is born stems from the mysterious, forbidden, irrational...the hidden parts of us.

The Barn Events - as we they have organically and lovingly been named - are a salve to this chronic Codependence. They are less about deep, arduous inquiry and much more about connection, warmth, honesty...love.

This connection, just like us humans, is multifaceted. Being the most social animal on the planet, we truly do feel safest among others.

The most profound part of these Barn Events, however, is about a connection to remembrance...a remembrance of the True Self. Our society bogs us down in social conditioning so that we begin in early childhood to forget who we are. So we begin to fracture, fragment, hide, suppress and repress emotions, dreams, ideas and our Self.

When I dream of my utopian community, I think NOT of a group of people who are always happy. I dream of a tribe where we are taught healthy ways in which to be in relationship with strong emotions and feelings (both mine and yours). We are not told to put away anger, resentment, self-pity and hurt.

We are, in fact, given a safe space in which to bring forth all the parts of us that were pushed away and were left to live in the marrow of our bones, the organs, the muscles, facia and skin of our beautiful bodies. This community would use nature, movement, animals, animals, the breath, music and vibration as a point of reference to remember what has been forgotten. These practices would slowly and naturally awaken the inner pharmacy we were born with. We would grieve in the witness of a sacred mirror - an experience many of us were never afforded but deeply yearn for.

Relationshipping events are 2-hour to half-day intensives that dive deep into inquiry the of Self.

These events were inspired and born from the psychological concept that we must be in right-relationship with our Self before we can be in relationship with others. For how we relationship with our Self is how we’ll relationship with the rest of the world.

Our lives are one big relationship: Self, others, animals, food, nature, earth, cosmos, etc. We are always Relationshipping. All of us yearn to be in intimate relationships but we tend to get sidelined by unconscious behaviors. Until these unconscious behaviors are met and greeted, we will tend to continue on the (oftentimes) habituated dysfunctional path.

Relationshipping gatherings are designed and curated to offer education, tools and practices that allow participants to slowly and gently access the parts of us that get pushed down and hidden out of protection. In a safe, playful and healthy setting, participants get to practice this newfound way of interfacing with their True Nature in a group setting, and perhaps, find their soul’s purpose!

The life-force that would drive these events would be radical presence. The teachers within these communities would safeguard inner presence as if it were the most valuable thing in the world. Trust of these leaders came through action and integrity.